The wolphin knows...

Marriage is so...

Marriage is hot news these days...well, I suppose it always is, given our collective proclivity for foolish choices and the 24/7 nothing-is-sacred-or-secret world we all live in.

But, I have an issue with people who will so readily wave their hand and declare marriage "old-fashioned," "outmoded," "not working" with our 21st century sensibilities.

I just listened to a radio program on this topic - between a comedienne (married 20 yrs/cheated/on the way to divorce) and her friend (married and thus far wants to make it work) and their two different perspectives on marriage. While the snickering is a bit much (and perhaps just the comedienne's unfortunate natural laugh), the overall conversation was fairly interesting.

I also recently read Elizabeth Weil's piece in the NYTimes Magazine. Granted, her thesis was presented in written form rather than spontaneous, broadcast form, and thus, more cogent. For the most part, I'd say her account rang true in most regards.

Now for my two paragraphs: I'd posit that marriage has ALWAYS been a complex relationship between not only two individuals, but all the literal and figurative people that have been and will continue to be a part of those individuals' lives; I'd say all of our quirks/obsessions/gifts/talents ultimately are forged and formed in the kiln of interpersonal interaction, or lack thereof -- we are people and so are ultimately in a near-constant tug of war between craving for and fear of relationships with other people. So we haven't entered into a new reality in that sense, although the number of "people" has exploded when we consider all of the different conduits for "relationship" (i.e., online, virtual), while the trend for depth of relationships is shrinking - many are about as deep as the bowl of a contact lens.

What has changed: our exposure, although it tends to be quite superficial in the main, is expanding each second. And with exposure comes potential comparison - unbridled comparison - with every other person/situation/"dream life" you encounter. I am attempting to paraphrase a Buddhist teacing - that all suffering springs from comparison, between what one has and what one wishes to have or desires.

Am I saying that if we'd compare less and accept more we'd be less miserable? Possibly...I suppose we might also be less inventive, less passionate, less "dreamy" if we simply accepted cold, lumpy porridge and never considered that there might be an alternative, like filet mignon or tiramisu.

But comparison, and striving aside, I also wonder if it is right or just to treat people, especially people one loves, as a commodity to be traded, discarded, replaced, ignored - as a meal to be savored, yes, but ultimately excreted.

Hmmm...lots of mixed metaphors...not the last we've heard on this one.

I

Reunited and it feels so....

Hosted a little shindig for co-workers from a DECADE ago -- how am I that old?

At any rate, it was awesome! We went through some decidely dark times at our place of employ - none of us are there any longer - so there's definitely a closeness forged through trudging through the cube farm.

It was a lovely evening...and hopefully we won't wait another decade to do it again!

Waddya wanna be?

It was once an easy question to answer, right? I wanna be....ballerina, firefighter, doctor in Africa, talk show host.

Now, I find it really difficult to answer. More troubling, I'm not sure WHY it's difficult to answer. Lack of time, lack of energy, lack of optimism - take your pick!

It seems that in our country (and perhaps elsewhere, but that's what I'm basing my anecdotal evidence on) one's work becomes the de facto definition and estimation of one's worth. So what does that mean when you are not sure what you "want to be?"

Do i envy youth

Sometimes I wonder if I envy "youth" or if I'm just tired of feeling like once you hit 30, you're old news.

So, with all the froth around the Democratic primary, I'm getting very annoyed with the college crowd's "i heart obama" business.

I don't want 18-25 year olds deciding this election. Frankly, I don't want them deciding much of anything.

I'm sort of horrified by my "crotchety" attitude here, but nonetheless, there it is.

I don't know that my gag reflex is based on anything substantial - just years of watching the self-absorption/inflated sense of "purpose" that, for me, characterizes the "wonder years" of post-adolescence.

Perhaps it's the reality of our biological evolution and our mental evolution being out of synch. Not all that long ago, childhood was perhaps ten years long, then off to work and family. Now it seems to be "arrested development" all over the place.

So, am I being needlessly crabby? The three people who read this should let me know!

The numbers game

Been up since 2 a.m. with thoughts of benefits package changes dancing in my addled head.

There is a certain cavalier attitude that most "benefits managers" seem to possess.

Example:
Statement:
Oh, we're changing insurance plans, but don't worry, you won't even notice a difference.

Reality:
13% of my gross income will go to medical expenses (for just me) versus 8% this past year. I'd say that's a difference.

The second piece of this reality:
I've got insurance...unlike many of my fellow Americans

Breathing in calm

So this is useful information for everyone -- whether you acknowledge that you experience anger or not, trust me, you experience it.

So let the healing begin!

Is it me?...probably

Some days this is how it goes - the world seems against you, everyone out to offend, from the man who cuts you off in traffic so he can later turn right (about 5 miles down the road), to the rude e-mail you receive that makes little to no sense and kind of blindsides you.

This has been one of those days.

I realize my hormones are a bit out of whack and likely contributing to my inability to "deal" - but it's been one of those days. I am reminded of David Sedaris in Santaland Diaries - particularly the exchange with the nasty woman who says "I'm going to have your fired," to which he responds "I'm going to have you killed." There is just something about reaching that point where your will to make nice goes by the wayside...Let's just say I'm identifying with this at the moment. What a loving womb I am creating, eh?

Long time, no type

So we're about 3 1/2 weeks away from baby's debut. The dogs are in denial - TBO and I are excited and antsy and vowing to not bore the world into a tailspin with the wonder of our offspring. I'm sure you'll all keep us honest on that count, right?

A year with many changes -- good ones, on balance.

So stay tuned - you'll likely be privy to more information than you ever wanted!

Christmas

Each year it is the same -- I want to make the preparations and focus of Advent central to my experience of this season -- and then the Martha Stewart wannabe within kicks it into high gear -- usually at 5 a.m. on Christmas Eve.

And this year was no exception. I woke up, I felt frantic, I started whirling. But I kept a relative amount of composure about myself -- at least in public.

When I pulled into the driveway at 3 p.m., trying to create a multi-task plan in my head, I felt it was possible. Yes, I could make the cookie dough, let it chill for 2 hours (the minimum, of course), while simultaneously cleaning the house and wrapping presents....and, yes, get to Mass by 9:45 p.m.

The Brilliant One took one look at the pile before me and said "How about you forgo the cookies?" And, in a stunning moment of --- common sense? acceptance? clarity? --- I acquiesced. He probably saved my life....or at least a few hours of rising panic and anger.

So yay for someone having insight. But what gives with the last-minute wonder woman routine? It's really so blase. But this response to Christmas stress doesn't strike me as "relaxing" -- more like stupefying.

Holidaze

The love/hate affair that is the "CHRISTMAS SHOP--" er I mean the "CHRISTMAS SEASON" continues.

A couple of observations: the number of people who look and behave as though they're ready to randomly hurt someone increases exponentially as THE day draws nigh.

The pressure to "perform" in the gift-giving department makes gift-giving more chore than celebration. Yeah, I sound like Scroogina here, but it's true. I think particularly of buying gifts for those one doesn't see often, nor know very well. I take pride in my gift-giving, but maybe I need to follow up with a post-gifting evaluation to avoid this scenario:

Something occurred recently that I witnessed, when the Foreign Minister of Egypt was here in Chicago. The Governor's representative gave him exactly what should not be given to someone from the Gulf States or the Middle East, which is a gift made out of wood. The perceived value of wood is very low, because in desert countries they don't have wood so they don't know how to view it. Secondly, a gift like that won't last very long because their air is very dry....

One of the big, big errors that I see most people make is that they give a gift that they themselves would like to receive, rather than selecting a gift from the perspective of the recipient.

Well, dignitaries aren't on my list, but nontheless, it's entirely possible that I disappoint more than impress.

Where do we all weigh in on the "re-gifting" issue?

Emily Post isn't at a loss:

The answer is this: regifting should be done only rarely, and under specific criteria:

• You are certain the gift is something the recipient would enjoy.
• The gift is brand new (no cast-offs allowed) and comes with its original box and instructions.
• The gift isn’t handmade, or one that the original giver took great care to select.